Today in Ceramics I was listening to Sufjan Stevens and god when you listen to great music like that your perspective just changes so much. Pretty and beautiful music can do that to you. People look different and you get so inquisitive and open about things in your mind. I just think about how silly everything is but how lovely it is at the same time. I was kneading the clay before I was going on the wheel and the place where you knead it is right in front of these huge windows looking out onto the soccer field and these kids from the middle school were playing and there were so many of them and I just got to thinking about humans and how strange we are and how we react to our surroundings and each other. We are so carefree and self centered but kind and innocent creatures. We go around killing each other but we also hold funerals for our pets and cry during sad movies. We find enjoyment in the oddest things like television and puzzles. We put so much stress on our lives and not tangible things but these abstract thoughts like morals and heroism and causes and significance. I often wonder if things like this were meant to happen in the universe. It’s another ethereal thought because there’s no real answer, but I often wonder if the world was supposed to hold creatures like us. I don’t think it was. Evolution must have gotten ahead of itself or something because we are so unique and different and intelligent that we don’t know what to do with ourselves. We live in a huge universe that is so so so much bigger than us, yet we are always the center of everything. It’s just so strange for us to believe in a whole universe that never ends (NO EDGE!), that infinitely expands. I guess one of the flaws with our intelligence is that we don’t understand infinity. That’s why we create things like heaven, so our brains can make up for this confusion. I still don’t know what I believe about life after death. Part of me wants to believe in something because I’m scared. I’m really scared. But I want to be a rational person who doesn’t force herself to believe things out of fear. And rationally, heaven doesn’t make any sense. I once had a conversation with someone about reincarnation. I asked them how they were so sure it was true. They said that they knew because new human’s arrive on earth every day. And that would mean there’s only one place they could come from, because matter can’t be destroyed or created. So they are recycled over and over. But that would mean we would never end, and that’s also an irrational thought because it’s so conceited of humans to think that. We need to open up and come to an understanding that we are not going to last forever. That we are not the center of the universe and there is not a holy God watching over us and making us each important individuals. We are alone. And we are all insignificant and we will live, die, and eventually be forgotten. Sometimes I think it would be nice to believe in heaven and God and significance and dying for a cause, but then I realize that I would be so unaware, and would basically be lying to myself out of fear and ignorance. And I don’t want to be that. I guess over time I’d rather learn not to be afraid.